Taking Stock/January

Mackenzie and Hannah always do this little taking stock post each month and I've never tried it, but I decided why the heck not.  So here I am, about to give it a go.  January has been a pretty interesting/strange/overwhelming month so let me actually think about some small things a little more.

Making: a fool of myself. but what's new.
Drinking: Lots of orange juice and water.
Reading: Nothing.  I know, shame on me.  I hate when I never have enough leisure time to read and write.  I am going to begin reading Animal Farm for my AP Lang class soon (this week).
Wanting: A lot of things.  New clothes, traveling experiences, people, etc.
Looking: For the perfect set of small gold rings.
Watching: The Fosters, PLL, and Modern Family.
Playing: Some neat love songs.
Enjoying: Days I have off of work.
Waiting: For summer and EUROPE!
Liking: My newly dyed hair.
Wondering: What my life will be like at this time next month/year/etc.
Loving: My new gold bracelets and silver rings.
Needing: To be tan again.
Smelling: the air.  Ha ha just kidding.  I'm smelling my new sky scented lotion.
Wearing: My fluffy white sweater that makes me look like a poodle.
Noticing: Who my true friends are.
Realizing: That high school is halfway over.
Knowing: That life will turn out for the best.
Thinking: About how much I have changed in the last half a year.
Feeling: Nostalgic.
Laughing: at myself and all the embarrassing things I do, like tripping in a silent classroom or crashing into a lady at Target.

Until next time xxx.

It's 2015

2015 is here.

So strange to think about- luckily, I haven't written "2014" on any of my school papers yet.

I have been a pretty awful blogger lately.  My last post was weeks and weeks ago, but now I'm back.  I'm back and I am here to talk all about 2014 and all that 2015 has in store.

2014 was pretty crazy to say the least.  There were a lot of great moments and a lot of not so great ones.  There was going back to California, celebrating my 16th birthday, seeing my family who lives in Norway, getting my wisdom teeth out (so much wisdom.. lost), finding out that my parents will be divorcing, getting a job, becoming an upperclassman, joining peer counseling, throwing the 2nd annual Christmas party, and so much more.

It was definitely a year of growth.  I grew as an individual and truly believe that I was able to step into the person that I am meant to become.  I began to care more about living life than living to meet the expectations of everyone else.  My whole world turned upside down and right side up but I know that everything is meant to be for a reason.

2015 will have some great things in store- from starting senior year (so surreal), to traveling to Europe over summer with my best friend.  My parents will also be getting divorced this year, and I am not sure exactly what is in store with that specifically.  Who knows where I will end up, but I'll be standing on December 31, 2015 at 11:59 pm exactly where I should be.

Here is a little look back on 2014 and all that happened.  Though pictures can never truly capture the essence of the year, it provides a general idea.  In no particular order (that's too much work), here are some of my favorite moments of 2014, captured in a single shot.  Until next time xxx.

Be Like Snow, Cold but Beautiful

There is a quote that goes, "Be like snow. Cold, but beautiful." I thought it was such a fascinating concept.. To be beautiful and unattainable. Being unattainable has this mysterious sort of appeal to it. So I always thought, "yes, yes. Be cold." I didn't consider being cold as being mean. I just saw it as being emotionless in a way. If you act like you don't have feelings, maybe you'll never hurt.

That is how I thought for a brief time. Then I was thinking, and I realized that while snow is beautiful, icicles are dangerous. You see snow and think, "how lovely." But then you see icicles hanging from a roof and think, "better watch out." Icicles are beautiful and sometimes they catch the sunlight and for a moment you're captivated. If you get too close to an icicle, you risk the chance of getting hurt. 

Then, I was actually out in the snow and remembered how much I hated being in it. Snow may be pretty, but being cold is no fun for me. 

I realized the moments I'm happiest have been in the sun. There is nothing better than closing my eyes and feeling sunlight flood over me. Whether it's laying in the grass or sinking into the sand, being in the sun makes me happy. 

It was then I changed my mind. I don't want to be cold but beautiful. I want to be warm like the sun. So don't be an icicle or snow.. Be a sunrise, or a sunset, or a July day at noon when the sun is high in the sky. I want to give people the feeling I have when I feel the warmth of the sun and hear birds chirping and can smell freshly cut grass, or hear the waves crashing against the shore. 

The earth needs the sun to survive afterall. Without the sun, we would all cease to exist. The sun is the center of the universe. 

So I hope you choose to be the sun instead of the snow. I hope you bring light and warmth into the lives of others. The whole world needs the sun to survive, and there is someone in the world that needs you to survive, too. 

Until next time xxx. 

Last Christmas

I can not believe how quickly 2014 flew by! Christmas is in just over a week, and our annual Christmas party is in one week exactly!

I have been so busy with school, work, and life in general, but I linked Mackenzie's video of our Christmas party  below. This year it is going to be 1000x better and I could not be more excited! I can not believe that we were planning our first party over a year ago. It is truly remarkable how the time passes. 

Happy Holidays! http://vimeo.com/82973040

Until next time xxx. 

In the Autumn

It is fall. Everything is falling. The leaves fall from the trees and sprinkle the sidewalks. The stars fall from the sky as the nights grow longer. I fall. I fall into who I am becoming. In light of recent events in my life, I have been given no other choice but to fall and trust that I will land safely. Maybe not to even land. Perhaps I am trusting that while I am falling, I will learn to fly. 

Here I sit on this school bus, and I feel alive. It is unseasonably warm for October, and the windows are cracked. As the bus flies down the freeway, my hair rustles in the crisp  fall breeze. The colored trees flash past the windows, enveloping me in warmth. The laughter of children floats throughout the bus and out the windows, a blanket of innocence and hope. It is beautiful and I am alive. 

Fall is perhaps one of my favorite months. Not only are the holidays fast approaching, but the earth itself is burning with life. Of course, they say spring is the time of life. Flowers blossom, rivers run, and animals are born. But I find fall much more promising. 

The plants know that death is in their future. The ground is turning cold and the air is bitter. It's becoming harder to survive. Despite this, the leaves burn crimson, igniting the world. They know their time is up, yet they chose to be most beautiful of all. 

That is how I want to live. I want to be full of perseverance. I want to ignite the world, even when it is coldest. 

Until next time xxx. 

a sad but necessary post

I owe you all an explanation to why I have been such a crappy blogger later. "Crappy" isn't really a strong enough word, but it's what I'm sticking to for now. 

I owe my readers more than just the typical "I've been busy," or "school has been really stressful." Yes, all those things are quite true. School is as stressful as ever, and now that I have a job (more on that later) I'm a busy bee. 

In reality, I haven't had a sufficient amount of time to sit down and post a proper and interesting post. 

Sadly, that isn't the core reason I have not been blogging. Yes, those things are all factors, but there is a much bigger issue in my life that I should address. 

You see, something damn sad has happened to me and my family. To you, it may be no big deal, but to me this is a lot to handle. 

I have had nothing to post, because lately I have been overcome with sadness and stress. 

My parents are getting a divorce. 

Divorce. It's such an ugly, bitter word. A word I truly find disgusting... Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. 

It's as if my whole life is circling around this major event. It should not be, of course. That is not healthy. But it is okay to grieve while I am trying to sort this out. 

Divorces are ugly affairs my friends. I wish no one ever had to go through what I'm going through right now. 

It is hell. No, it's more than hell. It is heartbreaking. 

So, yes, I am sorry I do not have any recent posts up. I'm working on it, and I even have quite a few ideas. 

1. Favorite fall recipes

2. Fall makeup tutorial

Stay posted. I'll try to have one of these up within the next week! Until next time xxx.

For now, some brighter memories...

The Truth About Love

If you stumbled across this post, I hope you stay awhile and try to discover what the honest truth about love is with me. 

I do not know all about love and what it means and how it makes others feel. But I do know a few things firsthand that can maybe help you and I piece together this little mystery that is love. 

In my personal opinion, having to constantly proclaim your love is not real. Yes, it is important to be proud of your love and to show off the ones you love, but love should not always be about shouting it out for the whole world to hear. Sometimes love is a whisper and other times it is absolutely silent. Of course it can be loud, but it can also be soft. See, beautiful loves remind me of soft classical music. It's never irritating or annoying, just simply soothing and breathtaking in it's own quiet way. It doesn't beg for the attention of others, instead it plays on it's own, bringing a smile to the faces of those who happen to catch it's tune. 

Love is caring about someone unconditionally and never wanting to hurt them. Love is caring for someone like they're a delicate piece of glass that could shatter at any moment in time. You are careful to not break them. 

Of course, we always hurt the ones we love. Sadly, that's something inevitable. In a twisted way, we hurt them because we love them. Almost never on purpose, hopefully, but life happens and messes are made. 

You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall
You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall
So If I broke your heart last night
It's because I love you most of all

To me, a part of love is getting hurt. How much did you truly love if you never get hurt once in awhile? The tenderest hearts feel the most pain, but they are also the ones who love the most. So if you're going to really love others, you have to expect to get hurt every once in awhile. 

Love can also be looking at someone and seeing everything you've ever wanted. Suddenly, it isn't something you want in your life, but something you need. One day you just crave the presence of something else in your life. You wonder how you lived so long without something like that in your life. 

Then there is the type of love where you need just one person. You don't need anyone else to take care of you and you don't want to take care of anyone else. Just two people who are willing to be together forever. That's a beautiful type of love and I hope that whenever I find it I never lose it. 

Also, there is the love we have for our family and close friends. You can not imagine a life without them and even when you're mad at them you love them so much it feels like your heart will explode. 

Love should be explosion. No matter what kind of love it is, you should always feel as if you are about to explode. You'll explode of happiness, or explode into tears. Your heart will explode from being so full. You will just explode and become one with the stars. That is love and that is the truth. Until next time xxx.