I'm sure you have heard "I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep. Slowly and then all at once." I'm sure falling in love can be that way. I wouldn't know... I relate this statement more to growing up instead of falling in love.
Growing up is a long process that doesn't last that long at all. As a child, all the days would drag by. Summers seemed to last for years. I was pretty sure I was in 3rd grade for about 3 years. Life seemed endless. Growing up came slowly.
The older I get, the shorter life seems. While each boring day at school lasts forever, I look back on Friday and am shocked how quickly the time went. The summers go by in the blink of an eye and school years fly.
As a child I felt so big and important. I was somebody- this child with a bright future blossoming with potential. I was a part of the future.
Now the future is here, standing right before me, and I don't know what to do. I'm paralyzed with the fear that I will not amount to the person I dreamed of.
For example, I can remember being a freshman so vividly. Finally I was separated from the little kids and thrown into this "adult" world. I looked up to the juniors and seniors in awe. They were so old looking and acted just like adults. I wanted to be them. Now I am them.
Yet, I stand before the mirror and see the same person I saw ten years ago. There is no change to me because I'm so used to myself. I look at my friends and they too look the same as they did freshmen year. Of course, they have changed. So have I. I am blind to recognizing any change because we have all grown at the same pace for the most part. Whenever I visit my family they say the regular, "you're so old! So big! Such a young lady!"
Wait. What? No I'm not! I'm just me.
It's even weirder to me to know I've never actually seen myself. Sure, there are the photographs and mirrors, but I have never and never will see myself. I will never know exactly what I look like when I'm laughing, or crying, or even sleeping. We never actually see ourselves, but everyone else does. Isn't that interesting?
Growing up comes slowly, but once you're finally more grown up everything goes by so fast. It may take a flower a long time to bloom, but once it does it's petals fall soon after.
You are blooming right now. You're alive and breathing and you are in this moment. There are a million moments in the past and there will be moments in the future. The number of moments our futures hold are unknown and limited, so it is important to open your eyes and realize that you are blooming. Right now. You bloomed in the past and you'll bloom tomorrow but right now is a moment you will never get back. It will slip into the past and fall with a collection of other moments.
The future from your childhood is here and your future now will come sooner than you would like. One day, high school will be over. College will come and it will go. Then you'll be living out in the world somewhere and you'll remember this moment as just another from the past.
So enjoy this time for what it is, even if it is the most difficult time of your life. Time gets used up so there is no point in wasting any of it.
Until next time xxx.
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