Why I Love to Write

People never have and possibly never will understand why I love to write. Teenagers don't seem capable of seeing all the beauty I find in writing. All the peace and comfort I find there is something that is hard to put into words, but I'll try. 

I love to write because I suppose I understand how difficult it can be to form our thoughts into some sort of mess that makes even a bit of sense. It can be challenging to speak everything we are feeling and all our little thoughts. Often times, we know exactly what we want to say but just don't know how. On other occasions, it is nearly impossible to word our thoughts because we don't even know exactly what they are.. That's one of the struggles that comes with being human I guess. We have all these feelings and complicated thoughts that run through our minds on the daily. 

I love writing so much because I know exactly what I'm putting onto the paper. Nothing even needs to come out of my mouth. The words can just flow from my brain, through my hands, and out onto the papers before me. They don't all need to make sense at one time. My thoughts can be scattered and confusing and that is okay. 

I also love writing, because it gives me a place to channel all my ideas. I find fiction works to be extremely fascinating because they are just that: fiction. The people being written about aren't real and the fictitious stories you read aren't something that ever happened. An actual human's brain thought up of this entire scenario and gave characters life and created a beautiful tale. The whole world inspires me and there is so much to write about so why not get started? 

I love being able to live my own life and surround myself with love from family and friends and go on adventures. Then, I can take all these very real emotions and memories and alter them and apply them to a piece of writing. It leaves for endless opportunities and stories to be told. 

I find words to be so beautiful. Of course, there are some nasty, hateful words, but others are so meaningful and lovely. Why not use these words and put them together to create something magical?

Because.. Admit it.. Good books exist. Sometimes books that are capable of changing lives. Whether you're a fan of reading or not, I'm sure there must be some book you've enjoyed at least a little. A story that you can think about right now and smile at the way it impacted you. I know I can. I love books and that's probably why I love writing. As a child, I had stacks of books. As a teenager, I still have piles of books and a stuffed book shelf. I'm all for technology and the Ebooks that have developed are incredible, but nothing will ever be more comforting than a book with worn pages. Pages that hold something within them are my favorite. I love to look back on some of my old books and see coffee or faded food stains. The crinkle on a page from a tear drop. Memories folded into real books with actual pages are something that can never be replaced, no matter how much technology evolves.

So, yes, I'm grateful I was pushed to read as a child because it gives me so much joy as a teenager today. I know that it will continue to be a source of light and happiness in my life into the future. Thanks to reading, I've learned to love writing. Perhaps you enjoy writing as well, or maybe this is the most ridiculous post you've ever read. Writing? Who likes writing? While I'm not sure of your opinion on writing, I know you're now sure of mine. I appreciate everyone who reads this blog of mine, and am astounded each time I post something new by the amount of people who read this from around the world. Thank you so, so much, and I hope to keep writing for a very long time. Until next time xxx. 

The Pale Blue Dot

We live on a pale blue dot. Not even something that looks like it could possibly have life on it. It is simply a little dot. So pale and soft in color, just hanging in space. I've always found space to be an interesting concept because the majority of it is unexplored and who knows for how long it will remain untouched. So while a lot of it is unknown, we somehow know a bunch of stuff about this pale blue dot. Sure, we've explored near planets and have walked on the moon. For goodness sakes, more is known about the surface of the moon which is 238,900 miles away than the bottom of the seas on our own planet. It's astonishing to me. Yet here we live, on this speck of nothingness that hangs in a beam of light. As said best by Carl Sagan, Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

I Iiim quite fond of that quote. Yes, it's long and yes it takes a few moments to read. So what? Everything said is true through and through. When you sit in history class you don't learn about the great alien rulers from Mars and you never learn about all the civilizations constructed in space. Whether you believe in life outside of earth or not, isn't it incredible to know that everything we ever really learn about has taken place right here? This earth of ours has a radius of only 3,959 miles (Juptiper has one of about 43,500.) Our world is 4.54 billion years old, has a population of over 7 billion people, and is a whooping 92,960,000 miles from the sun that's kept us alive for so long. Yet it's still just a blue dot. Not even a pretty shade of blue. It's pale and lonely even while it's surrounded by stars. I've always been fascinated by earth and space because I just can't wrap my head around it. Perhaps I never will because I'm not capable of understanding something so vast. It's so odd to know that all your family is on this dot with you. There is so much love on something so small. So many wars take place on this planet. So much power. So much wisdom, hope, adventures, beauty all on this pale blue dot. Think of everywhere you've ever traveled, everyone you're related to, everytime you've ever laughed or cried. All the life changing moments you've had and all the boring days you have spent listlessly sitting on the couch. All the people you meet or all the ones you read about. Think of Shakespeare and Cleopatra. The Romans or the Mayans. The Revolutionary War. Columbus sailing the ocean blue in 1492. The Middle Ages. The Dynasties of China. The Royal families and all the celebrities you read about in the magazines. The dieases and mindless destruction followed by hope and strength. Big cities and quaint countrysides. The poverty and the lavishness of mansions. The animals and the weather and everything you see just looking out a window. All these "important" things and "notable" people and "impactful" events are on this pale blue dot. And suddenly that makes them seem entirely less than what they were just moments ago. Yet they can't be. They aren't. Everything and everyone that has ever happened and ever will happen is important and it matters. It all matters because while it may just be this dot it's still a dot. Though barely visible it is there and so much has happened. As said "every sinner and saint" are together. In my opinion, that makes life a whole lot more equal. Someone may be rich and someone may be poor but they're all with one another on this pale blue dot. If everything is squished together in the cosmic calendar, that makes it seem smaller. Yet while it's small I also find it empowering to know that so much has happened in a relatively "short" period of time. 

Sso I've decided that while I'm living on this mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam I better make it count. We all should. After all, we were given a life on this pale blue dot for some reason greater than we can ever understand. The universe is big and we can look up at the stars each night for the rest of our lives if we wanted to. But would that really help us to understand anything about our own lives down here on earth? Probably not. So why waste anymore time? Time always seems to run out anyways.  Until next time xxx. 

Trip to California- Part One

I know I haven't posted for quite some time, but I have a good excuse! You see, tomorrow is my last day back home here in California and I miss it already. It's been a blissful 2+ weeks in the Golden State. From Disneyland/California Adventure and birthdays to a family reunion, and lots of fun adventures I've truly enjoyed myself and made quite a few memories that will last me a lifetime. 

I really bonded with some of my cousins, especially the ones visiting from Norway. Both are over 10 years younger than me, but the 4 year old and I simply adore one another and I am so sad to be leaving her! I spent quality time with my grandma and grandpa and visited the city the day before my birthday. 

San Francisco is probably my favorite city (even greater than Chicago) because it holds so many childhood memories for me. It's familiar and it feels like home. It is quite special and my father, grandmother, and I had a wonderful time in the city for a day. We sat by the water and watched the boats, ate ice cream in Ghiradhelli Square, walked around North Beach, and shopped some at Pier 39. 

My cousins, aunt, uncle, parents, brothers, and I ventured into Muir Woods and marveled at the incredible trees. I've been before, but each time it astounds me. The trees are truly remarkable. It's interesting to see trees that have stood through centuries and stayed strong while sometimes the world around falls apart. It's beautiful. 

Disneyland was a magical adventure. It never gets old and I always have so much fun. It was only for two days but I'll never forget them. Watching fireworks and waiting in line for all my favorite rides are just some of the many special memories. As anticipated, I enjoyed a churro because they're just. So. Perfect. To sum that up, Disneyland is always the best. 

When the 4th of July rolled around, I had this huge plan to go into the city to watch the fireworks. Sadly, it was supposedly foggy and I didn't want to drive in just to be disappointed with a lame fireworks show. So, I stayed nearby instead and my family and I watched a beautiful show and had a lovely picnic. It's a memory I'll hold close to my heart. 

I even turned the sweet 16. It was pretty sweet I'd say. No one I would rather spend it with than my family. It was fun and the cake was sublime. I hope to remember it years in the future. 

The day after my birthday was the annual family reunion. My family is huge and huge is probably an understatement. Though we don't always see one another, whenever the family gets together it's like we were never apart. There is so much love and I know I'm very fortunate to be apart of something so great. Reuniting with family is always fun, and it's the last big event of this trip. Even though I was here for two weeks, it doesn't feel like enough time. It'll probably never be enough, because this will always feel like home. Whenever I return, I never want to leave. Sometimes I forget that I'm just visiting and that I live in Colorado these days. Oh well. Colorado is temporary. I can't stand the cold weather and bitter winters. Colorado has given me good times and I've met some fantastic people, but change is feeling necessary lately. Perhaps returning to California is in the future. Perhaps not. All I know for now is I'm attending college somewhere warm and sunny! 

Anyways, a 2nd post with some pictures may be in order a little later once I'm back in Colorado. California, you've been wonderful as always. Until next time xxx. 

P.S. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out the day I return, so whenever I'm off medication and coherent enough to post I certainly will! 

The Fault in Our Stars (I Cried). Thanks John Green.

Ah, yes, I am back.  I feel as though I haven't blogged in ages!  Well, tomorrow I am off on my fabulous summer adventure back home to California, so I wanted to make a nice post for you all before I leave… This contains spoilers by the way!
I cracked.  I gave in.  I am now "basic."  I read John Green's bestseller, The Fault in Our Stars.  It was different than I expected.  It's a love story focused on two cancer ridden teenagers, but it's hardly about cancer at all.  It's just about Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace Lancaster and how they fell irrevocably in love with each other.  It had me laughing, crying, and in great denial.  Do I regret ever reading it?  Perhaps.  Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did, but I'm incredibly heartbroken.  Yet, reading it also filled me with an outrageous amount of hope and love.  It's quite beautiful.    Page 258 had me choking back tears, and page 259 truly hit me with all this love and sadness.  When I read page 261, it's like the world fell apart around me.  It was an excellent read.  John Green has this incredible gift that I can hardly explain ("my thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations").  He isn't a particularly young man; he has a family after all.  Yet, he is able to sound 110% like a teenage girl, and he writes with the emotions I imagine a teen with cancer would possess.
Recently, I saw the most pathetic post on Tumblr and it truly made me lose all faith in humanity for a moment.  This post was a comment from the trailer for The Fault in Our Stars on YouTube.  It essentially read "I wish I had cancer so I could have a love like Gus and Hazel."
Really?  Really?  You wish you had cancer?  What a wish.  But the world isn't a wish granting factory, you know.  What a horrible wish.  It disgusted me.  The story isn't all about cancer.  It is about unconditional love and how it can come into life unexpectedly.  I think if the cancer element in the story teaches us anything, it should be that we have no time to lose.  We are only given a set amount of time to live and before we know it our time is up.  It all runs out so why not just live and love with everything you've got?  Life is such a freaking incredible thing.  I feel so lucky to have been given a life to live.  I would never wish for cancer in order to find love.
Anyways, I am glad I finally read it.  I now understand what all the hype is about.  It wasn't my favorite book (The Beautiful Between is still #1), but I would definitely read it again (I sort of read it twice).
The movie was a pretty good adaptation I would say.  At least 4 out of 5 stars for sure.  Shailene Woodley portrayed Hazel Grace Lancaster pretty well.  She was weak and depressed in the beginning, but by the end she was full of so much love.  I rooted for her the entire time.  Of course, I rooted for Augustus Waters as well.  If only he was real, because the character himself was truly something else.  Ansel Elgort was perfect for the role because he is youthful and seems to always be smiling much like Augustus.  Together, everything just played out wonderfully on screen.
Hazel has a passion for the book An Imperial Affliction, by Peter Van Houten.  She has Augustus read it, and he too finds it enjoyable.  Yet, there is something that bothers both of them.  This book has no "the end." or "they all lived happily ever after."  It simply ends in the middle of the sentence.  But that's how life goes.  You could literally or figuratively die in the middle of a sentence.  It is just reality and that in itself makes me want to live each day like it's my last.  When Hazel and Augustus travel to Amsterdam to meet this Peter Van Houten, he tells them nothing.  But, after Augustus dies, Van Houten comes to Indianapolis for the funeral.  It's bizarre, but he does it because Augustus had been writing to him before his death.  Peter Van Houten tells Hazel that nothing happens to the other characters after the main character in the story dies (hence it ending in the middle of the sentence).  He explains that they are not real characters.  Nothing happens to them because they cease to exist.  They never truly existed in the first place.  They were just words on a piece of paper.  The real world is so much different than that.  When we die, our loved ones continue to have lives.  The world continues because this world is quite real.  It is an extremely interesting concept.
One final concept I want to touch on is the character of Isaac.  He is best friends with Augustus and becomes a friend to Hazel throughout the story.  Isaac goes blind due to his cancer.  He doesn't have any eyes in his head anymore, and at the pre-funeral for Augustus, he says when the doctors of the future bring him robot eyes, he will tell them to piss off because he doesn't want to see a world without Augustus Waters in it.  It's possibly one of my favorite parts in the book because it is simply about undying friendship.  He cares so much for this one person that he could not possibly imagine seeing a world where he doesn't exist.  Isaac loves Augustus so much.  Hazel is so in love with Augustus.  They are two very different concepts but they are both incredibly beautiful.
It is a special story to read because it is just very real.

 

The Hype of Summer

There is a lot of hype surrounding summer.  All the summer clothes sales, vacations, parties, etc.  Finally, the true excitement is setting in for me.  In one week I will be embarking on another great adventure.  I'm going back home to the Golden State, California (in case you didn't already know it was the golden state).  With a pit stop in Vegas and a couple day stay in Disneyland, it's already destined for greatness.  I've never been to Vegas, so I'm excited to walk the strip (even though it'll be over one hundred degrees), eat a nice lunch, and explore the grand hotels before continuing on to Anaheim.
The first night in Anaheim, we will just walk around Downtown Disney for a few hours.  That is usually what we've always done on trips to the Disney parks.  Then we will spend two days in Disneyland/California Adventure and celebrate my dad's birthday.
I just love Disney.  It truly is the happiest, most magical place on earth.  Even though Disney World is incredible and HUGE, I still love that Disneyland and California Adventure are right next to each other.  They practically blend into one another.  Disneyland will always hold a special place in my heart and I can not wait to walk down Main Street once more.
When we leave Disneyland, we will be driving up to the Bay Area, my true home.  We will grab food at some hot spots in LA and walk around Hollywood for a couple hours.  Hollywood is practically the heart of America's glamour.  I just know it'll be wonderful.  After a busy few days it's home to the Bay Area to see all my family and old friends.  
4th of July in San Francisco is about as American as it gets and we will even eat at the best pizza place in the entire WORLD.  It was voted for by a bunch of fancy people, so I'm having high expectations.  I'll see my cousins who are also coming home all the way from Europe.  Some visits to the beach and all our old favorite restaurants and destinations are going to happen as well.
Perhaps the most important thing that will happen while in California and over the entire summer is the celebration of my 16th birthday.  Finally, I'll be old enough to be the junior that I'm soon to be.  I plan to watch Sixteen Candles and be a cliche like that.  It's just a given.  
The day after my birthday is the massive family reunion.  I haven't been to a real one in years.  It should be great and fun and misadventurous as always. 
Then it's home again, but for now I'm going to relish this week in Colorado with friends.  I'm going to enjoy sleeping in my bed while I can and just cuddling my dog before we head out.

When I do get home, I'll be getting my wisdom teeth out.  How exciting is that?  I am going to eat all the food I can in California (a place with 10000x better food than Colorado).  Until next time xxx.

Enjoy a lovely collection of California pictures (some from years ago, others from just last year):

cousins

me the day before we moved to Colorado.  I'd say my face accurately describes the situation (ft. my cousin).

hiking in the pretty hills.

sums up my life= awkward.

became a big sister.

My days in California brought out my inner Helen Keller (it was for a school project).

our favorite Indian restaurant.

Halloween (notice how tan I was in October.  Yeah.  Miss that.)

old friends, Heather and Taryn, at a Halloween school parade.

cousins and siblings.

we were kind of matching.

school days.

DISNEYLAND

CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE.

Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh,
A tubby, little cubby all stuffed with fluff.
He's Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh,
A willy, nilly, silly old bear.

Goofy got my hand!

always a fun time at UC Berkeley. 

as a child, I built a nest in this tree for a mouse.

grandfather & granddaughter 

photoshoot with my lovely mother

cousins and a giant telephone from Kate Spade 

my old school 

DISNEY (world I think.  Whoops).

the trip will be a bigger party than this fun sombrero.  

The Miracle Twins

I originally wrote this for my journalism class.  It's meant to be in a column or something like that, so it's somewhat short.  Our teacher gave us fifteen minutes to write about something that changed our lives.  I wrote about my brothers and now I'm presenting you with The Miracle Twins… 

I was an only child for as long as I could remember.  It was almost nine years of just me and my parents, living our quiet lives.  I did not mind it that much, except lots of my friends often had fun younger sisters, or protective older brothers.  A part of me longed for a relationship like that, but I was adored by my grandparents and I felt like the most special kid in the world.  

The saddest part was that my mom was not physically capable of having any more kids, so my young self had coped with the fact that I would always be an only child. I managed just fine, often surrounded by adults or friends from school and my ballet studio. I never thought my life would change, and at this time my mom was having some odd health problems, so one day she took me to the doctors with her.

I remember it like yesterday.  I had a Junie B. Jones book with me and I sat beside my mom in the hospital room. My name is Junie B. Jones...  She was extremely tired, and given an ultrasound.  The 'B' stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice...  I suddenly remember the nurse getting a giant smile on her face and gasping a little, interrupting my reading. I just like B and that's all.  I closed my book and sat up in my chair.

“Wow.  Wow.  This is unbelievable.  Congratulations!”

“What?”  My mom said drowsily.

“There are two here.”

“Two what?” My mom’s eyes began to close.

“You’re pregnant with twins,” the nurse explained patiently.

I shot up out of my chair, “She’s what?”

“I’m what?” my mom sat up.

I was utterly shocked.  My mom was not supposed to have any more children, let alone twins.  It was some of the most amazing news I had ever heard.

The pregnancy took off.  My mother had the weirdest cravings and would cook my father and I the most fattening food I had ever eaten.  My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, were all beyond themselves with happiness in anticipation for the arrival of my new siblings.

I remember hearing about their gender.  I was at a friends house after school, and my parents had come to pick me up.

“Isabel, guess what?” My dad asked as I climbed in the car.

“I’m having two little sisters?!”  I squealed, buckling myself into the back seat.

“No!  You’re going to have two little brothers!” My mom smiled at me from the front seat, “Isn’t that exciting?”

I burst into tears, wailing and screaming.  It was the worst news ever.  Two brothers?  Are you kidding me?  I wanted younger sisters!  I bawled for the rest of the evening, moping about how my life was officially over.  

Once, during the pregnancy, I eavesdropped on my mom’s conversation with one of her friends.  My mom was crying.  They were discussing how one of the twins probably would not survive. The birth of twins is always more complicated, and usually one doesn't survive.  I can remember sitting in my room in silence.  Even though I was not excited about younger brothers, I could not imagine one of them dying.

But, as God would have it, my mom gave birth to two young boys late on the night of February 15, 2007. They were a few weeks premature, but they were alive and to me they were perfect.  I can remember holding them in my arms for the first time, and at that moment I did not know how I had lived so long without them.  I don’t know what changed in me when they were born, but I’ve never loved two people more than I love my little brothers, the miracle twins.

…the end…

Until next time xxx.

Lessons I've Taught Myself

Everyday we learn new things whether we realize it or not.  Throughout the beginning of summer I've learned certain things that I've had to teach myself.  These are the sorts of things no one can really teach you and you just have to accept them yourself.
For one, I've learned that you can not rely on anyone or anything at all.  When it comes to life, you're on your own and being independent is very important.  You won't get far at all if you never stand alone sometimes.  Of course, it's essential to have people who love you around, but know when it's time to walk out on your own.  You should never need a particular person in your life in order to be happy.  Happiness lies within yourself.  
A second thing I've learned is that you have to believe in a set of values.  There has to be something you live your life by, and other things that you disagree with.  It's also important to accept that not everyone will agree with you, but that doesn't mean you have to dislike them.  If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.
Another thing I've learned that's changed the way I feel in general is that you can be whoever and whatever you want.  If you don't like something about your body, change it.  If you aren't optimizing your happiness then change what you are doing in life.  Set goals for yourself and aim for the stars because just think about all the incredible things you are capable of.  We are all these incredible human beings and capable of so much.  Why not take advantage of the great opportunities we're given?
Finally, I've learned to just accept where I am.  I can't change my age, so wishing to be older and longing to be a little kid again at the same time serves no purpose.  All the people who are in my life right now are here for a reason.  All the people who've left my life just aren't meant to be in it anymore.  Sometimes it's difficult to understand, but I somehow just took a deep breath and moved on.  Clinging onto the past and all it's unhappy memories have done nothing for me.  Yet, I have learned important lessons from all the people in the past, but that's a different story.  Right now, my life is exactly where it's supposed to be, and so is yours.  
I know this post was sort of long and a little heavy, so I'm going to do a second post today. Those few things I taught myself and it's changed my life.  I hope you actually think about them a little bit and really take it to heart.  Stay happy because you're wonderful.  Until next time xxx.