Love the Life You Live

Less than 24 hours ago I wrote about the time I almost died. Now, two of my family members are gone, lost to a tragic accident. Here is what I wrote: 

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Once upon a time, a long time ago, far far away blah blah blah, I almost died.  It wasn't the tragic sort of death where I was clinging to life in a hospital bed, hooked up to beeping machines.  I didn't have some horrifyingly high fever and doctors weren't leaning over me every second of the day waiting for me to kick the bucket.  I wasn't really at the wrong place at the wrong time, nearly escaping a tornado or anything wild like that.  It was a quite normal day, and I remember the sun was out.  It was my dad's birthday.  My parents and I were exploring along the banks of a river.  The water was crisp and clear, and as I waded along the edge I could see my feet on top of the pebbles.  It was a perfect day and very, very peaceful.
Of course, I've narrowly escaped death plenty of times before.  I've been tossed around in my fair share of earthquakes.  There's that time the taxi almost hit me in San Francisco.  There are those small moments that I'll always remember thinking "crap."  But, nothing ever quite like the time I decided to swim in the rushing river.  I wasn't an idiot, okay?  I didn't run off on my own and jump into the rocky waters or anything.  My parents and I waded further into the river together.  My dad went several yards away to observe a tree or something, while my mom carried me on her back.  Suddenly, the pretty pebble floor of the river disappeared.  It was black.  My mom couldn't swim, but luckily I could.  All those years of swimming lessons finally came in handy.  My mom sunk into the water and I tried to cling onto a rock nearby.  The current was too strong, knocking me off the slippery rock.  My dad yelled at me that I had to swim.  There was a sand bar.  I could make it there.  The water stung my eyes.  I had to make it there.  My dad had to help my mom.  She couldn't swim, but I could. I had to swim.  I had to kick my legs.  I had to breathe.  No, don't breathe, I thought as water rushed into my nose and mouth.  Kick.  Swim.  Move.  Move.  Don't drown.  Do not die.  Make it to the sand bar.  The current was strong and I was young.  I reached the sand bar and threw myself on top of it.  I looked behind me.  My dad held my mom.  No one had been swept away by the waves.  I coughed up a bit of water.  We got out of the river has quickly as possible. 
I often wonder why.  I wonder why the water hadn't consumed me on that day.  My dad's childhood friend drowned in an accident years and years ago.  He was on a boat with his date and a storm kicked in.  He died.  He went out on a date and he died.  I went out to explore in a river and I didn't die.
But life has an interesting way of working out that way.  Planes crash into buildings.  Boats sink.  People get sick.  Wrong place, wrong time. 

I didn't post it, and I hadn't even finished writing. The last line I wrote was "wrong place, wrong time." My aunt and uncle were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Honestly, I'm haunted by what I wrote yesterday, as if somehow I just knew deep down that something horrible was about to happen. And something horrible happened. 

If my family hadn't been driving down that narrow road in the dark of night, and if that man driving the opposite way hadn't fallen asleep at the wheel, they would still be alive. 

Everyone says it, right? Love the people you have while you still can. Don't take any moment for granted. We hear it all the time, but do we actually take it to heart? I hold grudges. I stay sad and angry. I hate myself for it, but it's a part of being human. 

At the same time, love is all we have at the end of the day. We are only given so many days on this earth, and it can be taken away in the blink of an eye. I am so grateful for all I have, and I beg of you to please love everyone as much as possible. Forgive, let go, say you're sorry, never give up. Love. Love. Love. Look up at the sun rising and setting and look at the stars that hang above your head. Breathe in the fresh air. Feel the sun on your face. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Hug people. Kiss people. Hold on to people. 

If you were to die tomorrow, would you be happy with the way all your relationships ended? What regrets would you have? I beg you to live in a way where, if the sky fell tomorrow and everything ended, you would have no regrets. 

Pain is inevitable. There will be heartbreak, and sadness, and loss. If you try to be happy all the time, you will lose. You're allowed to hurt. It is a part of being human. But take in this life you were given, and embrace all the ups and downs. One day, it could all be gone. Until next time xxx.