What to Hold in Your Heart

Everyone dies.  Death is inevitable.  That is why I do not fear it.

What I fear is that when death comes knocking at my door, I will look back on my life with an emptiness in my heart.

I do not want to waste my life trying to please others and the standards society has set.

When death comes knocking, I do not want to say, "Hurry, bring me my diplomas and the paychecks. Bring me money.  Bring me my car, my house, my clothes."  No.  The only thing of value I can physically hold are the people I love.  That is all.

Everything else must be held not in my arms but in my heart.  All the memories and experiences are kept within me.  Lessons learned, times of love, laughter, heartbreak, tragedy… it is all in my head and heart.  The only worthy things I can hold a little nearer are loved ones.  My brothers, my dog, my parents, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends.  They are what matter.

The clothes, jewelry, house, car… they are nothing.  They will not define who I was or what I did with my life.

A number will not determine what kind of individual I was.  Whether it be grades, how many zeros on a paycheck, or how small the clothing size.  Those are all just things.  They are not people.  They are not life.  They are not me.

I am going to live my life in such a way that pleases me and meets my personal standards.  I will live to create beautiful memories that I can remember with fondness years into the future.

The thing is, time goes by fast.  One day, all my time will be gone and I will wonder where the hell it all went.  It will simply slip away into the past and the future will no longer belong to me.

If I live my life to the fullest each day and savor every moment, I will not be fearful when death is standing on my doorstep.  I will not be so sad that all my time is gone.  I will know that I lived my life to the best of my ability and that it is my time to move along.  There will be so many lovely things within my heart that my spirit will be free.

I encourage you to live your life in a similar way.  Be enlightened and positive.  Enjoy every little second.  Live without fear.

So, one day, when death comes knocking at my door, I will say "come on in for awhile."  And death will come.  He will come, but I will be so full of the life I lived that I will not be scared of him.  I will go with death wherever he takes me, knowing that life was kind to me and I was kind to life.

Until next time xxx.

An Old and A New Life

Hannah's blog post {happilyhannah.blogspot.com} inspired me to write this up.  I have wanted to talk about this for quite some time, but it is a little difficult to form into words.  I suppose I will try to come up with something that is somewhat easy to understand.

Ever since October 30, 2008, I have never felt as though I belonged.  That was the day I left California behind and moved to the foreign land of Colorado.  It was very difficult for me to leave all my family and friends in the Golden State and just move away.  I packed up my entire life into boxes and we were off.  It was heartbreaking.

I knew no one in Colorado.  Not a single breathing soul.  I was alone.  Terrified does not even begin to describe how I felt.  There was this feeling in my stomach… the sort of feeling you get before going on a roller coaster.  Deep down I knew I would survive and that everything would be perfectly fine.  Yet I was so uncertain.  It nearly felt as though I was just on a vacation or that I was dreaming and would wake at any moment.

For the first time I saw a range of mountains instead of endless water.  In so many words, it was somewhat of a culture shock.

To understand the stark contrast between my old and new life, there are a few things you must hear:

The San Francisco Bay Area is no pocketful of sunshine.  It's a rough place to grow up and in reality I am very lucky I was able to move away.  Sure the food, weather, climate, and cities don't get much better than in the Golden State.  I would never replace my family or forget my childhood friends.  Yet, it was not an idyllic place.

It was crowded, dirty, full of tension, and a lot of places were quite poor and uneducated.  To me, of course, it was perfect.  To my young self, it was full of love and happiness.  It was all I ever knew.

Now, I live in one of the richest counties in the entire United States and attend a high school that is in the top 2% in all of America.  That is pretty wild.  I am so, so lucky.  As expected, being lucky comes with a price tag.

I live in a place considered "The Bubble" because everyone here is So.  Damn.  Sheltered.  I met a girl once who said, "Compton is a real place??  I thought it was just something sketchy they made up for movies and stuff."  Sketchy is a word used to describe concerts or… or Downtown Denver.  They aren't going to inner-city schools in Chicago, or living off of food stamps.  

Their parents work their 9-5 jobs in an office.  Some people have maids.  The mothers get their hair and nails done weekly.  Teenagers throw fits if they don't have the newest iPhone in their hand and next year's car model in their driveway.  Vacations?  Hawaii every summer or they just take their boats to the lakes.  The day's biggest tragedy consists of a 5th grader breaking his iPad.  Speaking of 5th grade, as soon as I moved here a girl jumped to tell me that she never wore the same outfit twice.  And she never did. 

Of course, not everyone in "The Bubble," lives a lavish life.  The majority, yes.  But many live average, steady lives.  I live an average life.  I am more fortunate than a lot of people in the US and the world.  In this town though, I am normal.  

My friends back in California laugh when I tell them of the ridiculous things that happen here.  It can be pretty unbelievable.  The kids are bored and rich, and that equation is not one I'm up for solving.  

It is pompous here, but at least it is not dangerous.  It is so safe and manicured.  Crime is practically unheard of.  It is vastly different from where I am from.  Everyone else in Colorado hates and pokes fun at "The Bubble."  It is just full of a bunch of "snobby, rich, white people."

That is what I am labeled as.  People think we all have money pouring out of our ears.  I am not even as white as the majority of people living here!  Yes, I have my clothes, jewelry, and purses, but I try my best not to flaunt them.  My house, while bigger than what I grew up in, is just "average size" for "The Bubble."

I consider myself to be a normal teenager, but living here as branded me.  I now fit into a stereotype.  It is a stereotype people back where I was born sneer at.  

Then again, people in Colorado have stereotyped California.  "Oh, you're from California?  Did you see famous people everywhere you went?  Go to the beach everyday?  Shop in Beverly Hills?  Tan everyday??"  No.  No that is not it at all.  

That is why you can not stereotype anything or anyone.  People will continue to stereotype things until the world ends, of course.  What I say won't ever change that.  That is the way it is and the way it shall be.  Yet, I try a little more not to categorize people and things.  I know I am lucky.  I am lucky to have grown up in California around so many people who love me.  I am now lucky to live in an incredibly safe and wonderful place in Colorado.  I am lucky, but being lucky does not mean life is always easy.

Being lucky comes with a price tag, but it is a price I am willing to pay.  

Until next time xxx.

My New Style Blog

Yay!  Finally I have made a blog dedicated to style and style only.  Check it out: Darling Diamonds
I am so excited to have created this and to be posting about it.
Here on Little Thoughts, Big Ideas, a lot of topics are covered.  A lot of the time, they are thoughts that I have running through my mind.  I want to focus on continuing to do that, but also sharing recipes, traveling experiences, beauty tips, etc. on Little Thoughts, Big Ideas.  The style will be saved for Darling Diamonds.
I would love for everyone to check it out and tell the people you know (who love fashion) to click on over!
School makes life very crazy, but I have a couple good ideas for posts on here that will be coming up soon so stay tuned!  Until next time xxx.

darlingdiamonds.blogspot.com

A Tribute to Robin Williams

Tragic.  It is the only word that truly expresses what happened.  The world suffered a great loss when Robin Williams took his own life on Monday, August 11, 2014.  I will always remember the moment I heard the devastating news.  I was in the car with my dad and we heard on the radio, "It is so sad really, found dead in his home earlier today…"
My dad said, "Who?"
The man on the radio promptly said, "All too sad.  It was said the actor was dealing with depression.  Again, the body of Robin Williams was found in his home today."
"WHAT?!!" My father and I shouted at the same time.  I could not believe it.  I must have gone into shock.  None of it seemed real.  I truly thought it was a twisted joke.  Was it April 1st, because this was not funny.  It could not have been real.  No… just no.

Honestly, I get sad when people I've never met die.  I cry a little, just because I am sad for them and for their loved ones.  When Cory Monteith died, I cried for a day probably and was just so devastated.  I had been a fan of Glee, and hearing about the accidental overdose was truly heartbreaking.

Yet, I never felt a loss of a celebrity as deep as I felt when Robin Williams passed away.  His voice and his laugh will always remind me of my childhood.  I can not count the times I have watched Jumanji, Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin, RV… the list goes on.  He always was able to make me laugh, while teaching some huge life lesson.  Robin Williams was truly talented in so many ways.

It breaks my heart to know someone who brought joy to millions was not able to find joy himself.  It is quite scary, because is shows how powerful and controlling our own demons are.  To learn he was beginning to suffer from Parkinson's Disease is even more heartbreaking.  It hurts me to know that a man who brought happiness into my life as a child is gone.

The world is darker now and nowhere near as funny as it once was.  RV had me laughing until I was nearly in tears.  It is such a quotable film my family and I would watch frequently.  My brothers and I still watch it to this day on road trips.  Mrs. Doubtfire was perfection to say the least.  It is just a beautiful story full of humor.  Jumanji kept me on the edge of my seat.  Everyone has seen Aladdin at least once (at least I hope so).  The genie is so iconic and I know all the words to every song.
 
But, Robin Williams was just not the films he starred in.  He was known as being one of the kindest, gentlest souls Hollywood had ever seen.  His humor was always on point, and he had the incredible ability to crack jokes on the spot.  It was fascinating to watch him in interviews, hear him on the radio broadcasts, and inspiring to see him travel to perform for soldiers.  He seemed like a truly good man with a heart of gold.

It feels like I lost someone I knew.  Robin Williams has been in my life since childhood, and it is devastating to know he was hurting so much.  Whatever his feelings were, I know the whole world wishes they could have done something to help.

Yes, I am so, so sad that the world is missing a wonderful soul.  But I am more devastated for his family, friends, and other loved ones.  Robin is at peace now and more laughs are ringing through heaven because of him.  His loved ones have been left behind to grieve and that is saddest of all.

Rest in peace Robin, and thank you for everything.  Keep everyone laughing up there.  I can't wait to meet you one day.  Until next time xxx.

How I Have Survived High School (So Far)

High school is definitely a difficult part in everyone's life.  It's a little awkward, very stressful, and just plain confusing.  The stress is too real junior year and I'm learning that very quickly (I've only gone to school four days so far).  People who can just breeze through the school work loads and overall stress are very blessed.  They have a gift I'd say.  Now, I have survived high school so far and am beginning my third year.  My advice to you would be this:

• Enjoy your friends while you have them.  People change and many teenagers are very immature, so this change is inevitable.  Your good friends now may one day change.  A lot.  People have different priorities like popularity, and that can kill a relationship.
• Do not obsess with being popular or having a boyfriend/girlfriend.  That is stupid and it wastes your sweet time.  Popularity honestly DOES NOT MATTER.  If you peak in high school, I feel incredibly bad for you.  Focus on being a genuinely good person.  That's it.
• Get involved!  I played field hockey for a year, and am going to continue with tennis.  I met a lot of great people through it (some not so great, but oh well) and have kept some great friendships.  It's fun and a new experience.  Just join a sport or club and see where it takes you.
• Drama is a NO.  Do not spread rumors, whine about your "horrible" life and cry over stupid boys.  Just don't go there and life is 110% simplified.
• Stay grounded.  I mean this because it is vital to basically the rest of your life.  Be a good person with high standards and just don't make dumb mistakes you will regret for the rest of your life.  I think I am lucky to be so sure of myself, and I hope you are the same.
• Take school work seriously.  It is important even if it can be pointless.  We learn different things to stretch our brains and one day I know I'll be happy when I'm writing, traveling, and doing all the other things I love.
• Go to school dances.  Maybe they are a cliche, but lots of people go.  They are fun!  Go with friends, get dressed up, go out to dinner and have a night to remember (in a good way).  Don't be stupid.
• Avoid peer pressure.  I don't hang out with negative influences and I've never been pressured to drink or do drugs.  It is something I am very proud of.  Giving into peer pressure is a weak thing to do.  Stay strong.
• BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.  It may sound dumb, but it's true.  Have a good four years and always be the bigger person.  Be the best you you can be.  And believe in yourself.
• STAY POSITIVE.  Just do it for goodness sakes.  Put a smile on your face.

Finally…

Live in the moment.  Time flies.  Honestly, I can not believe I am a junior.  I was starting my freshman year seconds ago it seems.  Love the moments because life is just made up of moments after all.  Make new friends, lose some friends, go on adventures, play some sports, read some books, go to some dances, and just live.  

Staying true to yourself is the best advice I have to give.  Life is short and high school is even shorter.  Cherish it all because one day it will all be gone.  Until next time xxx.

Summer is Over. Time Flies.

Okay, so technically there are a few remaining days of summer.  But the majority of those glorious summer days are over.  I can no longer sleep in until 10 or even 11 sometimes.  I'll have to wake at the dark hour of six o'clock.  In my opinion, being awake that early is a crime against nature.  It is simply not natural to wake up that early in the morning.  The thought of it makes me sick.  School itself sickens me and the majority of people I know.  We waste our days behind desks learning mindless things when we could be out traveling the world and creating a life for ourselves.  It's sad really, and I wish the endless summer days lasted forever.
Summer is simply a beautiful time where you are gifted with a couple months of freedom.  There are no responsibilities or stress.  It's just you, the sun, and good memories.  Time really does fly and it scares me.  If a couple months fly by so fast, I just know my last couple years of high school will go by in no time.  Just one more summer until my senior year, and then one summer after that and I will be in college… or wherever life happens to take me.  It's exciting and terrifying.
I'm going to approach this school year with a new mindset.  I am going to live my life and never settle for anything that does not bring me happiness.   It's my life and I'm the one who has to live it for the rest of my days on earth so why not just do whatever I want?  I don't see a point in being a people-pleaser or conforming to the expectations of others.  Soon, I want to post a review of the book, The Art of Non-Conformity.  I'm not quite done reading it, but it's really changing the way I see the world and myself.  Now that summer is over, it is time to focus on myself and what I want.  The book is helping me to see that.  It's never too late to change your life and why not start when summer ends?  After all, "Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall." -F. Scott Fitzgerald.  I included some beautiful summertime photos I took while on vacation because I know I will look back on these photos with fondness during the cold winter months.  Until next time xxx.

I'm Writing a Book!

It is finally happening. I have been writing for years and years. In my closet and under my bed live stacks and stacks of papers. I've done most of my writing by hand, but I have also typed a few things as well. The more you write, the better you get is what I've decided. It's that way with anything of course. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at anything. 

Anyways, I am finally writing something serious and am putting my energy into this one particular project. I'm planning to self publish and sell on Amazon. I came up with the characters and general plot over a year ago. But, with my dad's input and ideas (he too is a writer) I've got an incredible twist to the story. I'm finally cracking down and writing this story that I hope I can soon share with everyone. 

I'm not comfortable with releasing all the details just yet, but maybe a little later down the road I will publish a chapter or section onto my blog. I would love feedback and everyone's opinion, but I want to get deeper into the story first. 

Writing is one of my biggest passions  (that and traveling) so I'm hoping to turn this into something truly special. I am so, so excited and wanted to share on here! Until next time xxx.