10 months before I moved to Colorado, I moved to another town in California, about 20 minutes away from my home town, so nothing too drastic. There, I made a lot of new friends that I will always cherish and never forget.
I started at a new school, and was in Mrs. Aiello's fifth grade class. I made fast best friends with Caylin, Ryann, Taylor, Lindsey, Kiara, Deondre (hold your comments about the names), and then there was Emily. Emily was a bubbly girl. She was a lot shorter than me (and I'm on the shorter side), but her personality made her larger than life. There was a forest on one side of our school's playground, and her laugh would echo through the trees on those bright, fall days.
One morning, Ryann was sitting on the swing crying. Her mom was a second grade teacher at the school, and my cousin was in her class. She was crying, which was bizarre because it seemed too early for anything to have gone wrong yet. I sat next to her on a swing in silence for a couple of minutes, before asking what was wrong. She said "my dad just got hit by a semi-truck." That morning, her dad was on his way to work on his motorcycle when a semi blew through a red light, hitting him from the side. He was in the hospital. Alive.
"He will be okay. I know he will be okay," I remember hearing myself say, leaning back in the swing a bit. Ryann had stopped crying and had resorted to kicking the tanbark with her foot. Then I saw Emily running towards us, flailing her arms all over the place. "YOU GUYS, it is international BACON day!!!" she handed me and Ryann each a limp piece of once crispy bacon. "Sorry it's cold, I got it in the cafeteria."
I smiled up at Emily, but shook my head a bit, gesturing to Ryann. Emily's crestfallen expression was heartbreaking.
"Hey," Emily sat on the other side of Ryann and took her hand. I reached over for Ryann's other hand and the three of us sat there quietly until the morning bell rang and we had to go to our classrooms. We sat in comforting silence.
That is how Emily was. She always knew what to say and what to do, and I am forever thankful for my spot beside her at lunch everyday, and our tetherball battles.
At the end of October I had to pack my life into boxes and move 1000 miles away to a strange place. It was physically painful to have to leave behind my family, friends, and everything else I knew. For some reason, I felt like I was leaving my childhood behind, even though I had years to go.
Starting at a new school once again was incredibly difficult, especially since I did not know a single person. For a while, I would lay on my bed every afternoon and stare at the ceiling of my new room. There were unopened boxes everywhere, as if I was hoping my parents would say, "okay, enough of this place, let's move back now." Of course, they never said that. They couldn't. My dad had his new job here so there was no looking back. I was very sad. I talked to Caylin and Emily on the phone once for three hours. Apparently, they had watched a weather video in class that mentioned all the summer thunderstorms in Colorado, and Deondre had shouted that I would probably get struck by lightning and die. I remember laughing when they told me this. It was getting late into the night, and I was being yelled at to go to bed, so I had to say goodbye. I hung up the phone, and as life goes, months went by. Life doesn't stop for anyone, and I started making friends and became busy once the holiday season rolled around, and almost forgot all about International Bacon Day and sitting on the swings.
I often return to California, and visit there at least once a year. The first time I returned after moving, I stayed with my cousins a couple houses down from my old home. The swing was still in the front yard. It was a bit crooked, but I went to sit on it anyways, hoping the new people who lived in my old house did not look out the window and see a random girl in their front yard. As I was swinging, I remembered how fun it was.
"Let's go," I turned to my cousins, and without me even having to explain myself we started running. We ran all the way to the elementary school, which was just a few blocks away. I ran through the trees and climbed the chain link, landing right behind the set of swings that I remembered so fondly. I was swinging until I reached the top of the trees, and remembered the morning of International Bacon Day.
"How is everyone?" I called to my cousins as we were swinging. They are both younger than me, but we all went to the same school for a time and they knew all my friends.
"Well, I joined Deondre's gang, and Lindsey moved away, after her pit bull chewed a hole through the wall. Dylan and Catherine still live in the house with the palm trees, and I swear Catherine is in love with me she always sits across the street from the house and stares at me, you know? Bianca is obsessed with Hannah Montana and follows me and Nadia home from school everyday. Ryann's dad is all better and she won some fancy dancing award. Taylor and that crazy dog Rocco are still living on Rocky Point with us... and uh, Caylin left to a private school in Pleasanton," my then third grade cousin explained. I was still only in fifth grade, but now that I reflect on that moment, we seemed so much older. I felt overwhelmed after he explained to me everything that had gone on in my absence. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you joined a gang and ask why Caylin moved to Pleasanton? I really wanted to visit with her." I remember feeling so disappointed as I continued to swing. Caylin had given me a friendship bracelet before I moved to Colorado, and I was looking forward to hanging out with her when I returned. We could wear our bracelets and everything could be like it used to be.
"Everything just changed so much. It's a different place," my cousin flipped off the other swing, but the other cousin and I continued to fly above the leafy tree tops.
"How is Emily doing? Maybe I can see her!" I remember the wind blowing through my hair as I smiled up at the sky.
"Oh," my cousin called before jumping off the swing, too. "I think we have to go home now it's almost dinner. Come on!" The two of them started running, so I flew off and sprinted after them as the sun began to set.
We sat around the table as my aunt and mom served us dinner before joining us at the table. We ate quietly for a few minutes before I set my fork down.
"Hey auntie, can I have Emily's phone number so I can hang out with her before I leave?"
My cousins looked anxiously at one another.
"What?" I shot them a nasty look before hitting them with my napkin. They both held their hands up and shrugged.
"Um, Isa, we have some bad news... well I thought you knew," my aunt swished her drink around in its glass.
"Knew what?" I felt my palms become sweaty, so I wiped them on my shorts.
"Sweetie, Emily died. The school left everyone a voicemail."
I gave everyone at the table a weird look. "Yeah. Sure."
"I am so sorry."
"Died? How did she die? We are in fifth grade!" I stood up from the table. No one else moved.
"She was sick. The doctors do not know with what... it was very rare and she became too weak too fast and passed away. I am sorry, but she is gone."
I left the kitchen without another word and sat on the floor of my cousin's room. Died. Emily. Rare. Sick. Passed away. Gone. Never are these words that should be strung together in the same sentence when discussing a child. I was in shock and my heart was heavy. I could not believe it. Everything really had changed, and now a selfless girl was gone forever.
It has been almost seven years since Emily passed away. Seven years is a long time (2,555 days makes it seem even longer). I can probably name at least 100 things that have drastically changed in my life since then. I went to middle school, I went to high school. I played field hockey and tennis. My parents got divorced. I went to Europe. I fell in love. I lost good friends. I learned to drive. I got accepted to colleges. I got an internship and a job... in a couple months I will be a high school graduate. These are all things Emily will never get to experience, and they are all things I have taken advantage of and not fully appreciated.
I have not yet lost anyone incredibly close to me, or experienced death in such a significant way, until hearing of Emily's passing. It is not something I fully accepted either and was incapable of understanding that someone so young and full of life was truly gone. It is still difficult for me to believe. Yet, whenever anyone from school or the community passes away in Colrado, I think I have started to feel it on an extra level. I feel this loss, and I reminded of Emily. I am reminded of my young, carefree, yet insightful friend with the bubbly laugh and bright smile. I am reminded how she lost a battle and was barely given the chance to live. I am taken back to the moment that I sat on the swing, chewing a piece of bacon while Ryann cried between the both of us and we all held hands in comforting silence.
I am reminded that life will do whatever it wants to you. Everything can (and will) change at the drop of a hat. Life is precious and unpredictable. Seven years may seem like a long time, but what really is time besides a measurement? Often times, the best moments of our lives only last a split second, and some people in our lives will leave a mark that is unforgettable. There is something I will always love about sitting on a swing and feeling the wind rustle my hair, no matter how old I get and how many years pass. It is a feeling I will never be able to put words to.
I miss you Emily. Thank you for being my friend, even if it was for a short time. This poem reminds me of you, so I bolded my favorite parts. Thank you for being a part of my life for a little while. It will always be a special moment in my memory. Hopefully from this, people will learn to love those they have while they are given the chance. Until next time xxx.
A Child of Mine by Edgar Albert Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
One morning, Ryann was sitting on the swing crying. Her mom was a second grade teacher at the school, and my cousin was in her class. She was crying, which was bizarre because it seemed too early for anything to have gone wrong yet. I sat next to her on a swing in silence for a couple of minutes, before asking what was wrong. She said "my dad just got hit by a semi-truck." That morning, her dad was on his way to work on his motorcycle when a semi blew through a red light, hitting him from the side. He was in the hospital. Alive.
"He will be okay. I know he will be okay," I remember hearing myself say, leaning back in the swing a bit. Ryann had stopped crying and had resorted to kicking the tanbark with her foot. Then I saw Emily running towards us, flailing her arms all over the place. "YOU GUYS, it is international BACON day!!!" she handed me and Ryann each a limp piece of once crispy bacon. "Sorry it's cold, I got it in the cafeteria."
I smiled up at Emily, but shook my head a bit, gesturing to Ryann. Emily's crestfallen expression was heartbreaking.
"Hey," Emily sat on the other side of Ryann and took her hand. I reached over for Ryann's other hand and the three of us sat there quietly until the morning bell rang and we had to go to our classrooms. We sat in comforting silence.
That is how Emily was. She always knew what to say and what to do, and I am forever thankful for my spot beside her at lunch everyday, and our tetherball battles.
At the end of October I had to pack my life into boxes and move 1000 miles away to a strange place. It was physically painful to have to leave behind my family, friends, and everything else I knew. For some reason, I felt like I was leaving my childhood behind, even though I had years to go.
Starting at a new school once again was incredibly difficult, especially since I did not know a single person. For a while, I would lay on my bed every afternoon and stare at the ceiling of my new room. There were unopened boxes everywhere, as if I was hoping my parents would say, "okay, enough of this place, let's move back now." Of course, they never said that. They couldn't. My dad had his new job here so there was no looking back. I was very sad. I talked to Caylin and Emily on the phone once for three hours. Apparently, they had watched a weather video in class that mentioned all the summer thunderstorms in Colorado, and Deondre had shouted that I would probably get struck by lightning and die. I remember laughing when they told me this. It was getting late into the night, and I was being yelled at to go to bed, so I had to say goodbye. I hung up the phone, and as life goes, months went by. Life doesn't stop for anyone, and I started making friends and became busy once the holiday season rolled around, and almost forgot all about International Bacon Day and sitting on the swings.
I often return to California, and visit there at least once a year. The first time I returned after moving, I stayed with my cousins a couple houses down from my old home. The swing was still in the front yard. It was a bit crooked, but I went to sit on it anyways, hoping the new people who lived in my old house did not look out the window and see a random girl in their front yard. As I was swinging, I remembered how fun it was.
"Let's go," I turned to my cousins, and without me even having to explain myself we started running. We ran all the way to the elementary school, which was just a few blocks away. I ran through the trees and climbed the chain link, landing right behind the set of swings that I remembered so fondly. I was swinging until I reached the top of the trees, and remembered the morning of International Bacon Day.
"How is everyone?" I called to my cousins as we were swinging. They are both younger than me, but we all went to the same school for a time and they knew all my friends.
"Well, I joined Deondre's gang, and Lindsey moved away, after her pit bull chewed a hole through the wall. Dylan and Catherine still live in the house with the palm trees, and I swear Catherine is in love with me she always sits across the street from the house and stares at me, you know? Bianca is obsessed with Hannah Montana and follows me and Nadia home from school everyday. Ryann's dad is all better and she won some fancy dancing award. Taylor and that crazy dog Rocco are still living on Rocky Point with us... and uh, Caylin left to a private school in Pleasanton," my then third grade cousin explained. I was still only in fifth grade, but now that I reflect on that moment, we seemed so much older. I felt overwhelmed after he explained to me everything that had gone on in my absence. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you joined a gang and ask why Caylin moved to Pleasanton? I really wanted to visit with her." I remember feeling so disappointed as I continued to swing. Caylin had given me a friendship bracelet before I moved to Colorado, and I was looking forward to hanging out with her when I returned. We could wear our bracelets and everything could be like it used to be.
"Everything just changed so much. It's a different place," my cousin flipped off the other swing, but the other cousin and I continued to fly above the leafy tree tops.
"How is Emily doing? Maybe I can see her!" I remember the wind blowing through my hair as I smiled up at the sky.
"Oh," my cousin called before jumping off the swing, too. "I think we have to go home now it's almost dinner. Come on!" The two of them started running, so I flew off and sprinted after them as the sun began to set.
We sat around the table as my aunt and mom served us dinner before joining us at the table. We ate quietly for a few minutes before I set my fork down.
"Hey auntie, can I have Emily's phone number so I can hang out with her before I leave?"
My cousins looked anxiously at one another.
"What?" I shot them a nasty look before hitting them with my napkin. They both held their hands up and shrugged.
"Um, Isa, we have some bad news... well I thought you knew," my aunt swished her drink around in its glass.
"Knew what?" I felt my palms become sweaty, so I wiped them on my shorts.
"Sweetie, Emily died. The school left everyone a voicemail."
I gave everyone at the table a weird look. "Yeah. Sure."
"I am so sorry."
"Died? How did she die? We are in fifth grade!" I stood up from the table. No one else moved.
"She was sick. The doctors do not know with what... it was very rare and she became too weak too fast and passed away. I am sorry, but she is gone."
I left the kitchen without another word and sat on the floor of my cousin's room. Died. Emily. Rare. Sick. Passed away. Gone. Never are these words that should be strung together in the same sentence when discussing a child. I was in shock and my heart was heavy. I could not believe it. Everything really had changed, and now a selfless girl was gone forever.
It has been almost seven years since Emily passed away. Seven years is a long time (2,555 days makes it seem even longer). I can probably name at least 100 things that have drastically changed in my life since then. I went to middle school, I went to high school. I played field hockey and tennis. My parents got divorced. I went to Europe. I fell in love. I lost good friends. I learned to drive. I got accepted to colleges. I got an internship and a job... in a couple months I will be a high school graduate. These are all things Emily will never get to experience, and they are all things I have taken advantage of and not fully appreciated.
I have not yet lost anyone incredibly close to me, or experienced death in such a significant way, until hearing of Emily's passing. It is not something I fully accepted either and was incapable of understanding that someone so young and full of life was truly gone. It is still difficult for me to believe. Yet, whenever anyone from school or the community passes away in Colrado, I think I have started to feel it on an extra level. I feel this loss, and I reminded of Emily. I am reminded of my young, carefree, yet insightful friend with the bubbly laugh and bright smile. I am reminded how she lost a battle and was barely given the chance to live. I am taken back to the moment that I sat on the swing, chewing a piece of bacon while Ryann cried between the both of us and we all held hands in comforting silence.
I am reminded that life will do whatever it wants to you. Everything can (and will) change at the drop of a hat. Life is precious and unpredictable. Seven years may seem like a long time, but what really is time besides a measurement? Often times, the best moments of our lives only last a split second, and some people in our lives will leave a mark that is unforgettable. There is something I will always love about sitting on a swing and feeling the wind rustle my hair, no matter how old I get and how many years pass. It is a feeling I will never be able to put words to.
I miss you Emily. Thank you for being my friend, even if it was for a short time. This poem reminds me of you, so I bolded my favorite parts. Thank you for being a part of my life for a little while. It will always be a special moment in my memory. Hopefully from this, people will learn to love those they have while they are given the chance. Until next time xxx.
A Child of Mine by Edgar Albert Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
