Living for Now

I used to live for the future.  The day I graduate, fall in love, get married, have kids, watch them graduate and have kids of their own.  All of that.

Now I'm living for today.  For the moment.  This life has so much to offer and if we don't spend each second enjoying what we have, it'll all be gone before we know it.

I used to dread Mondays (sometimes I still do) but I am trying to change that.  I used to always be waiting and waiting.  Waiting for Friday or waiting for the weekend.  Waiting for my birthday or whatever holiday was up next.  Waiting for my shift to be over so I could go home and nap, or go out with friends.  Waiting to finish up an assignment or take a test.  Waiting for that boy to text back or for that grade to post.  Waiting for something that was inevitably (or not) in the future.  Because nothing is guaranteed you know.  Maybe that boy never texts you back or your weekend wasn't as exciting as you had hoped.  Maybe you end up disappointed, all because you had waited so intently for so long.

That is why I have decided to savor each moment for what it is, even if it ends up being less than favorable.  Each moment will add up to those monumental days.  Even when they may seem insignificant at times, one day you will look back and realized how everything fell together.  You don't have to necessarily go searching for meaning in every insignificant detail, but appreciate every second you're given.

Even on "the worst day ever," there is still something to appreciate and be thankful for.  So live for now and stop waiting.  Things will come with time.  The future will be here before you know it, and then it will be gone.  Until next time xxx.

What I Believe it Means to Be a Human

I watched a series called "Middle Ground" on Youtube by Jubilee.  There are only three brief episodes so far, but essentially it takes two opposing groups, puts them in a circle together, and proposes questions for them to discuss.  So far there were the Atheists and Christians, the Pro-Lifers and Pro-Choicers, and Liberals and Conservatives.  The way some people spoke as Atheists and Christians really got me thinking, and it wasn't because I liked what they were saying.  I believe it is important to have opinions and to believe in things for yourself, but that doesn't require you to go around screaming at everyone who disagrees.  People are allowed to disagree.  It makes the world interesting.  Imagine how truly boring this life would be if everyone was the same.

Anyways, when asked if they believed their lives were important and valuable, one lady said hers wasn't.  Another person said that they felt like everyone was insignificant.  A man tried to boast about just how important we all really are.  I disagree with all of them, and now I can't sleep.  While no single individual is the center of the entire universe, everyone matters.  Each individual has a unique story and is significant. It doesn't matter that there are billions of people on this planet.  There is room for everyone to enjoy the human experience.  To love and to hurt.  To win and lose, rise and fall.  It's all a part of being human.  No one said this life is fair.  As a matter of fact, life does an excellent job at being incredibly unfair.
I used to complain if I had an awful professor or had a bad hair day.  Oh my God, this is so unfair!  Then my dad reminded me that life really isn't fair.  Because, who is to say that I should have food on the table and a bed to sleep in?  Why is it fair that I can get an education, drive a car, read, write, and talk?  Some people can't even stand up on their own.  Many people don't have a roof over their head.  How is it fair for me to have any of those things?
On the other hand, is it fair that some people get private jets and live lavishly like the Kardashians or royal family?  No.  That's not fair either.  Nothing is fair, and to recognize that is to be human.

People will be different than you, but that doesn't make you any better.  Just because you believe in God, doesn't mean He exists.  Just because you don't believe in God, doesn't mean He isn't real.  The truth is, sometimes you don't really know what the truth is.  So does that give you the right to judge others for thinking differently than you?  I don't think so... I think everyone should be allowed to think whatever they want, but that they should respect how others think and feel as well.  Just some thoughts.  Love each other.  Until next time xxx.

Words on Las Vegas

Sometimes there is no way to articulate a certain event.  This is one of those times.  First off, I want to say I am mourning along with the rest of the country and world for those directly impacted by this heinous tragedy.  It thoroughly disgusts and deeply saddens me.  50+ innocent lives were brutally robbed from this earth, and over 500 people have been physically injured.  Yet, it goes so much deeper than that.  Thousands upon thousands of people have been personally impacted by this event.  Whether they were fellow concert goers, musicians, residents of Las Vegas, or lost their loved ones, peoples' lives are forever changed after the evening of October 1st.

I will not name the perpetrator.  He is a terrorist.  He is a monster.  He was a 60-something white male that could've been your neighbor, friend, or family member.  But forever he will be remembered as a terrorist.  Might I add, mentally ill.  No matter what anyone says, I truly believe all terrorists are mentally ill.  All serial killers, too.  No normal, mentally sound human being would go off and cause such havoc and tragedy for the hell of it.  Only mentally ill and unstable people go to the lengths that these terrorists go to.

On that note, there is no place in this world for automatic weapons.  No average joe needs automatic or semi-automatic guns.  I ask you... what hunter needs a machine gun?  What person wanting to protect themselves and their family needs an automatic weapon?  A handgun or rifle, maybe I can understand, but automatic rifles and weapons?  It is so unnecessary.  And it makes me sick to know that after so many mass shootings in this country, our government continues to sit around and ignore the issues at hand.  Text ACT to 644-33 if you don't want the innocent victims to have died in vain.  If you want there to be a real change, then speak up and stand up for what is right.

People died.  They were murdered.  That is in the past and unfortunately we can not reverse time and save all those innocents.  But we can make their deaths mean something.  We will never let them be forgotten.  There was Columbine, Virginia Tech, Pulse Nightclub, Aurora Movie Theater, Sandy Hook, San Bernardino, and Fort Hood.  Oh, and all of those have occurred in my lifetime.  I am only 19 years old.

After Sandy Hook, I really started to wonder if things would ever change.  I mean, 26 people died then and 20 of them were children.  Children.  Elementary-aged children.  If that doesn't haunt you then I don't know what will.  But I still believe it is never too late for change.  From the bottom of my heart, I believe that this world and this country is capable of change.  I believe that American can be great.

And now I want to ask you this:  Is this what making America Great Again looks like?  I can think of plenty of other countries that are arguably in better shape than we are.  And no, I'm not saying I am not proud to be an American.  I love this country.  I love these people.  But that is why it breaks my heart to see some not fighting for a change.  You can love something and admit that it needs improvement.  It doesn't make you any less patriotic.  It means you want the best for this country and all of its people.  It means you care about the truth.

So, people died.  It was a terrible day in U.S. history that started out like any other day.  Isn't that how it always goes?  One moment everything is fine and the next things more horrific than we could possibly imagine are unfolding.  But I will remember and I know you will, too.  We stand stronger together than apart.  I love you, Vegas.  Stay strong.  Until next time, xxx.



Click the link below to donate to the Las Vegas Victims' Fund:

https://www.gofundme.com/dr2ks2-las-vegas-victims-fund

To the Friends I Made Freshman Year of College

First off, all I have to say is wow.  Can you believe this first year is almost all over?  Already, we are one year in to this new and exciting chapter of our lives.

And I'm thankful for all of you.  Maybe some of us will stay friends forever, or maybe I'll only catch up with some of you once in a blue moon.  No matter what, this year will forever remain unforgettable.  The memories we made will last us a lifetime.

From ordering pizza at early hours of the morning, to walking in aimless circles when the navigation takes you to the wrong party, we've had some good times.  Then there's been the heartbreaks from undeserving, idiot boys or the cat fights with our girl friends or roommates.  Endless tears and the screaming at the top of our lungs.

We've cheered on the football team from the scorching hot bleachers, struggled to find four or five perfect Halloween costumes, and tried to honor every Wine Wednesday with a glass of Franzia, but gave up at the beginning of first semester.

At first, we thought the dining food might be our ultimate demise, or that walking to every class was going to make our feet fall off.  But we're still here and I'm proud to say I've gotten used to everything that I thought was going to ruin my life.

We complained tirelessly about how terrible the dorms were and how we couldn't wait to leave.  No one could stand living in a shoebox.  Now, I have to admit that saying goodbye will be bittersweet.  There are so many memories held inside a dorm and there was always something entertaining going on right outside the door.

Wasn't it exciting to get ready every Friday and Saturday night?  Curling each other's hair, dusting on highlight and contour, and trying on each other's clothes will always be special moments to me.  From Margaritaville, to making that Uber driver take us to McDonald's before inviting him in to the party with us that one time, there have been more than enough wild nights.

That's what makes a family, don't you think?  We fight sometimes but we are always there to catch one another when we fall and we have so many special memories that we share with one another.  If I ever needed advice or to vent, I know I had at least ten people to turn to.

Now, I think things might get a bit lonely over summer and next year.  I know everything will be fine and we will all keep in touch, but we can admit that things just won't be the same.  There's something so unique about living surrounded by 50 other people at all times.

We've had dance parties in the lounge, Bachelor viewing parties, and all sorts of other parties.  Maybe too many parties?  Impossible.
It's hard to condense everything we have experienced in to words, because there's just too much.

All I can say now is that I hope in about 10ish years (maybe sooner, but let's be honest probably not) you're excited when you get an invitation to my wedding in the mail.  I know you're all going to go so far in this world and I'm beyond excited to see what the future holds for each of you.

Thank you for making my freshman year one of a kind.  Endless love for all the people that made my first year of college one of the best years of my life.  Until next time xxx.

Love, me

Dear the person I was a year ago,

High school goes by faster than I could've ever imagined. Four years really isn't that long, but it sure felt like my entire life. Graduation season approaches and suddenly everything is different. The world has seemingly changed over night. I will spend summer not knowing how to define myself. I'm not in high school, but also not in college. I'm awkwardly in the middle and waiting for what is next. You are going to make some questionable and downright terrible decisions over the summer. Just admit when you screw up, this whole thing is a part of growing up. Don't make the same mistakes twice. 

Leaving for college is something you'll never forget and move in day is a complete blur. So much is going on and there are people everywhere and you're so ready to be here but also so ready to go home and crawl in to bed. There is music and laughing and tears of goodbyes and you wonder if this is somehow the beginning of the rest of your life. 

First semester is challenging and at least once a day you wonder if you'll make it out alive or at least with your sanity. You'll walk more than ever and swear your feet will fall right off your body. The endless hours of staying up long past midnight to complete an assignment really takes a toll on you. Some professors will make you roll your eyes so hard they get stuck in the back of your head. Some will teach with such enthusiasm that you'll actually look forward to class.  

It's fine to cry sometimes and feel homesick beyond belief. You'll FaceTime your parents and wish you could be right next to them. Your brothers will shout hellos to you over the phone and your heart will ache with the longing to squeeze them in a big embrace. You'll FaceTime your dog on his birthday with happy tears running down your face. I'm laughing as a I write this now with some tears in my eyes because I see how much I took for granted growing up. It's the littlest things you will end up missing the most. 

Trump will be become president (yes the reality star will become president) and you'll truly contemplate dropping everything and moving to London because you loved it so much there anyways. The day after the election comes and campus is eerily quiet. For the most part, you're surrounded by like minded thinkers. People who believe in a woman's right to choose, protecting our planet, and helping those in need. Enough of this "every man for himself" bullshit. We are all humans, we all deserve love, and we all need help sometimes. This country is not a business, it is simply land with a lot of people living on it. We all live on a planet together and should not be divided as if others are the enemy. You know this. You were raised to accept everyone and be open-minded. The election will have you fearful for the future, but keep your head held high and believe. There are more people that think like you than you think and there is always hope. 

The holiday season rolls around and the days are short and bitterly cold. The stress of finals approaching will weigh on you more than ever and while you're loving college you also truly hate it sometimes. The partying nearly every weekend has taken a toll on you and you're waiting for your liver to fight back. You wonder if you'll ever gain back all the hours of sleep lost. 

Then comes the phone call at 3 am from your dad. You only will wake up because your headphones are in and it yanks you straight out of your sleep. When you see a missed call from him your stomach will flip and your heart will instantly drop because you already know exactly what's happened. The drive through the darkness is something you'll unfortunately never forget and your whole body is quivering with utter heartbreak and despair. 

You'll cry over Jacques' body in the sterile and lonely animal hospital. Your tears soak his curly fur and your breathing is so jagged you'll swear you're about to die too and join him wherever he may be. You know you've lost a piece of your heart that you can never get back and you'll cry about it for months and months, but it's okay. You have to remind yourself that he is always with you and that some days are going to be better than others. Every memory of him is fond and your heart is full, even though his passing left it so broken. You know you're beyond lucky despite it all. 

Christmas is weird. Is any Christmas ever really normal? It's your first college Christmas and your first Christmas in Colorado without Jacques. Everything is different but somehow it's all much the same. It's going to be a new year and then Daniel has a seizure and you swear God is angry at you for something. You wonder why everything seems to be falling apart but then suddenly it'll be 2017. You're working at the mall and it's your first retail job. To your surprise, you are really enjoying it. Not only are you making money but you're surrounded by cute clothes and incredible people. While you only will work there for a little bit, you'll be endlessly thankful for the opportunity. 

Time for a new semester and you'll be shocked that you've made it halfway in to the first year already. Your classes are better but worse. There's more homework but you are enjoying what you're learning about. Don't let people put your major down or put you down for what you're passionate about. You know not everyone understands, but don't forget your gift. You have a talent and never let anyone tell you otherwise. 

You'll develop a crush on a boy that is probably way out of your league, but you fall hard anyways. You spend hours self loathing and criticizing yourself, wondering if you'll ever be good enough for him or anyone for that matter. Yeah. Screw that. You're too strong to be thinking that way and you know it. Besides, what's one boy really? Life is too short to worry over people and things that don't matter at all. 

It's college, so naturally you fall back in to the same partying habits from last semester. Shots for everyone, themed frat parties, and dancing on tables is the way of life. Honestly, why even take shots if you can chug straight from the bottle, right? You're going to experience such a high, but every hungover morning is going to be just as miserable as you expected. You'll create plenty of memories, some more blurry than others, but nothing is going to change. Nothing is going to get better in life unless you act and decide to take things in to your own hands. Some of your favorite weekends will be the ones that you spend in with your closest friends. You'll have more energy and feel less stressed all around. Still, work on balancing your social life. Sometimes you need to just chill and not worry about going out. 

Stick up for yourself. Don't let boys or friends treat you however they want. You're not a doormat and you know how to speak your mind. Thankfully, your parents didn't just teach you how to be a kind person, but they taught you how to stand up for yourself and others. Thank them for making you strong. Even though you fight with your parents and have your moments, you know you wouldn't be who you are without them. 

Remind yourself to love yourself the way Jacques loved you. Remember the lessons he taught you. Be forgiving, loving, and live in the moment. Love yourself and love those around you. Be grateful and appreciative for each second you're blessed with. Don't take anything for granted, no matter how small it may seem. Work hard but also take time for yourself to relax and be present. Life is sadly way too short. 

Say prayers not to ask for anything, but just to thank God for the life He has given you. Use your free will for the better, and help those around you when they need it most. Don't leave others the way you have been left before. Enjoy the sun on your skin and admire the way it sinks behind the mountains each afternoon. Remember to appreciate each second, because they'll slip away before you know it. You aren't guaranteed anything in this life, especially not time. 

You've grown a lot.  You have come a long way and have a long way to go. There is constant room for improvement and one day you'll reach that self-actualization stage and truly feel fulfilled. 

Life will test you in lots of ways and throw a lot of curveballs your way. Keep moving forward and don't let anything hold you back. Believe in yourself and love yourself. You're too beautiful inside and out to hate the person you are. Recognize how special you are and never forget how loved you are by your family. Accept everyone for how you want to be accepted. You understand everyone just wants to be loved and belong. Don't forget that. 

I'm so proud of you for almost reaching the end of high school. You have a long way to go and a lot is going to happen very soon, but it is nothing you can't handle. You're going to love college, even when you really hate it. I love you and I am proud of the woman you are becoming. 

Love always,

The you from the future

P.S. stay fabulous

Until next time xxx. 

Jacques

I have avoided writing about this for over two months now for several reasons and they are as follows:

a. If I write about this, I will cry.

b. If I write about this, I will be sad.

c. If I write about this, I will feel the hole in my heart that I have been trying to fill.

d. If I write about this, I will remember everything I want to forget.

e. If I write about this, I will maybe drown in my tears.

f. If I write about this, I will feel regret.

g. If I write about this, I will be lonelier than ever

h. If I write about this, I will never stop writing about this.

i. If I write about this, I will forget how to breathe.

j. If I write about this, it will become real.

J reasons, J for Jacques, J for the one I lost.  My pup.

I haven't known how to write about Jacques because I do not think that enough words exist to describe how I feel.  Nothing will suffice.  My love for Jacques is never ending.  Losing him was losing a part of myself.  Jacques was with me from 5th grade until my freshman year of college. 

 Imagine how much can happen in those eight years, and multiply it by a million.  Then add the number of people you've dated and your grandma's age.  That's how much Jacques and I went through together.  Multiply that by ten.  Exactly.  The answer for how much Jacques and I went through together: a lot.  He was always by my side, and somehow he always knew when I needed him to sit by me or lick away my tears.  When I was celebrating, he was excited too.  When I was ready for bed, he would curl up beside me.  Jacques just knew.  That's the special quality animals possess that humans never will.  Sometimes you have the people in your life that just get it, but a lot of times you have to spell things out for your friends and family.  Jacques always just knew.  What I really hope, especially now, is that he knows how much I love him.  I desperately need him to know that I will never forget him and never let him go.  He will stay in my heart forever.

My best friend.  Jacques was a funny guy.  When he wanted attention, he would paw at us.  He would paw gently, but enough to get our attention.  When he was sitting beside you, a part of him always had to be touching a part of you.  He would howl when the home phone would ring, chase bunnies out of the yard, and growl at any dog 10 times his size.  I swear he thought he was a wolf.  When Jacques lifted his leg to pee once, he lifted it too high and fell over.  I couldn't stop laughing.  One Christmas, he ate a bunch of bubble gum from my stocking and we were all sent in to a panic, worried that he would burp massive bubbles.  Jacques ate an already dead mouse from outside when he was a puppy.  I turned to look at him, and a gross tail was hanging from his mouth, so naturally I screamed.  My poor brothers.  I couldn't tell you how many times Jacques would snatch one of their sandwiches during lunch.  My parents weren't too fond of dogs and I never expected them to love Jacques the way they did.  Sometimes, I swore they liked him more than they liked me (after all, he never had an attitude).  Jacques and my mom would always sit together and Jacques would follow my dad like his shadow.  He was their fourth, furry child.  It was impossible not to love him.

While we loved Jacques and he loved us, Jacques also loved his chewy bones and his bed.  Sometimes, he would prefer to lay right in a sunny patch of carpet or hardwood floor.  I was always worried he would catch on fire in the winter, because he would lay right by the fireplace. 

 Nothing made my heart more at peace than hearing him sigh right before he fell asleep.  I'm tearing up just remembering the sound; the innocence and peace.  I miss him.  When he was a puppy and we brought him home, he could hardly get down a small step.  He was a little ball of cotton and I was automatically smitten.  My brothers were terrified of the tiny but adorable creature that had moved in.

Jacques, that dog.  He would always end up wandering in to the bathroom, but the door would shut behind him and he would whine until we let him out.  I don't know what his issue was, but for a period he would go around peeing in the house.  It was absolutely terrible and I was always so annoyed.  I would have to scrub at the carpet with dish soap and water, cursing the whole time, but not even being angry with Jacques because I knew he didn't mean any harm.  I would give anything to have that back.

Isn't it funny?  We always lose things, but it's only when we lose something we know we can never get back that we really feel it.  I know I won't get Jacques back in my lifetime.  I know I can't replace him, and I wouldn't want to.  Who knows if I will ever be ready for another dog, but I definitely want my children (one day in many years) to experience the love that I have for Jacques.  I want a dog to love my children the way that Jacques loved me.  

My dad asked me what I will tell my children when they get a dog.  He asked what I have learned from having Jacques in my life.  I didn't know how to answer his question at first, but now I think I do.  One day, when my husband and I bring a dog in to our home for our children, I will tell them this:

"Kids, you have to appreciate this little one with everything in you.  Sadly, dogs are angels on earth, but God misses his angels and eventually will want them back.  We are only blessed with them for a short time, so it is important to love them with everything you have and always be kind to them.  This dog will love you as much as your parents do.  You will be this dog's entire world.  Their life depends on you.  The moments you share with this dog will become memories that will last a life time.  Their love for you is unconditional and out of this world.  Remember how it feels in this moment to have something as special as this."

That is what I will want them to know.  I wish everyone understood the powerful bond shared between human and pet.  It is truly indescribable.  Like I said, words will never suffice.  Jacques saved me and showed me genuine love.  Jacques taught me a lot of things:

1. Even with a limp, you can still strut in style.

2. Take some time to nap in the sun.

3. Let the wind blow through your hair.

4. Always love unconditionally.

5. Fear less.

6. Be loyal.

7. Remember your roots.

8. Put family first.

9. Find joy in simple moments.

10. Enjoy the outdoors.

11. Show the ones you love how much you care.

12. Say hello and goodbye.

13. Don't allow distance to change true feelings.

14. Never forget the ones you love.

15. Protect those close to you,

16. Stand your ground, even when you're feeling small.

17. Accept affection.

18. Be grateful for what you've been given.

19. Comfort those in need.

20. Never hold a grudge/always forgive

Jacques may have been only eight when he was taken from us, but I swear he was wiser than any human will ever be.  He really did just understand.  He also showed me that life is precious and that we are not guaranteed anything in this life, especially not time.  Everything could change tomorrow, so live your life richly.  I am working on trying my best to simply be.  Be in the moment.  Be here, wherever here may be.  You never know what life may throw your way. 

Thank you to Jacques for showing me this love and for teaching me how to be a better person.  I appreciate the world around me more because of you.  

He truly did teach me how to see beauty in life and find value in simple moments.

Time goes by fast, I know that now more than ever.  Sometimes, in just a blink, it's gone.  

Jacques has made my heart full.  Even though a piece of it feels empty now that he is gone, I know I would have been incomplete without him in my life.  We may have been different species, but our souls were one in the same.  I can never thank Jacques enough for loving me.  Nothing made me happier than walking in to my house and having him greet me, whether I had been gone a couple hours or a couple of weeks.  He put a smile on my face on the cloudiest of days.  I know my life would not be the same without him, and I would not be who I am today if I had not had eight years with him.

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

I love you Jacques.  I miss you.  I am sorry we are not together, but know that you live on in my heart and this will remain true until we meet again.  I love you forever and nothing will change that.  Thank you for loving me, too. 

Until next time xxx.

16 Things 2016 Taught Me

2016 was a wild year for me and the entire world, as each year always seems to be.  A country mourned and worshipped a gorilla and everyone was at each others' throats in the battle of Clinton vs. Trump.  No one partied like it was 1999 because Prince died and last Christmas was literally George Michael's Last Christmas.  Then, the world had the audacity to not only take my dog from me, but also to take Carrie Fisher from everyone. If you ever say WTF, 2016 would be the year to say WTF to.  It was one tragedy after another, and everyone found a way to complain about how 2016 was the worst. year. ever.

Personally, I went through a lot (because that's life folks) and while 2016 had plenty of awful times for me, I also grew and learned so much.  2016, you were an interesting one.  Here's to you and everything you taught me.

1. You're not gonna please everyone and not everyone is gonna stick around and it really doesn't matter all that much.  There's more to life than who stays and who goes.  Let go of the ones who have already let you go and life will be that much easier.
2. Focus on yourself.  You're all you have at the end of the day.  Always work on improving and loving yourself like your life depends on it, because it does.
3. There is always something to be thankful for, even when you feel like there isn't.  Do you have a roof over your head, or clothes on your back?  There you go.
4. People are going to love you and people are going to hate you for absolutely no reason.  Sometimes, there is a reason and other times there isn't going to be.  If people don't know you and also don't like you, then there's something wrong with them and not you.
5.  Loss and death are inevitable.  We are all born and then we all die.  When someone you love dies, they take a piece of you with them.  You'll never get that piece back, but they're always with you even when you feel entirely alone.  It is out of your control, so accept what life gives you and accept when the same things get taken away.
6. You'll meet the nicest people at the most unexpected times and you'll meet some of the nastiest people at the most unexpected times, too.  Appreciate the nice ones and don't let the awful ones get under your skin.
7. Allow yourself to feel.  Stop putting up walls; let your guard down and
10.  You will have a few lapses in judgement.  Learn from your own damn mistakes and let life happen to you.  The only way you will ever grow as an individual is if you let yourself get hurt.  As they say, it is a blessing and curse to feel everything so deeply.
8. Spontaneous moments are the ones that will stick with you.  The random, small moments in life are often the ones we end up cherishing most.  Remember the sound of the birds chirping outside your bedroom window.  Remember the feeling of the ocean waves washing over your feet.  There is beauty and grace in the smallest of things.  Never forget how those things make your heart feel.
9. Nothing lasts forever.  Every good and bad thing will cease to be eventually.  There are constant ups and downs, so do not let a bad moment define your life.  Learn from your mistakes and learn from everyone else's mistakes, too.  No one told you to be perfect.  You're not supposed to be perfect, you're just supposed to be as good as you can be.

10. Love the people close to you with all you have. You only get so much time, so don't waste it being petty and angry. Just love. 
11.  It is okay to not know what is going on.  It is okay to be lost, stressed, confused, and frustrated.  You're allowed time to figure your own life out and to figure out the world around you.  This is life, not a race.
12. Say g-o-o-d  r-i-d-d-a-n-c-e to toxic relationships and toxic people.  You deserve a healthy and fulfilling life without unnecessary drama.  Life is dramatic enough.  Toxic people are only good for teaching valuable lessons, and then it's time to say goodbye.
13. You deserve to be happy and smiling.  You deserve to have a warm and full heart.  If anyone makes you feel like you don't deserve these things, then they do not deserve to have a spot in your life.  You deserve it all, and never any less.  Act like it.
14. It may seem surprising, but you're not as broken or defeated as you have felt before.  You are strong and constantly growing.  The world can knock us down, but you are always strong enough to stand right back up.
15. Time goes by fast.  Embrace every moment because we are never guaranteed time in this life.  Be honest and straightforward.  Sometimes you have to be a bit reckless, but never allow yourself to get too out of control.  You're in charge of your own life, so make things happen and put an end to certain things.  It is your life, your story, and you get a say in how things are going to go.
16.  It wasn't the worst year ever.  It was a year and like any year there were good and bad times.  Now it's a new year and there are going to be more good and bad times.  Here's to 2017 not being the worst. year. ever. again.

Congratulations for being quite the year, 2016. See you never. But hey, at least Leo finally won his Oscar, right? Until next time, xxx.