For a while, I stopped writing entirely. It was the longest, most frustrating period of writer's block I've experienced. School was and has continued to be overwhelming, and that's ultimately where the majority of my energy goes. Whenever an idea came to me, I remembered a research paper that had to be written, or a test I had to study for. I remembered a million other things that seemed more important than writing. Still, what can truly be more important than the things that fill you with the most joy? One of the biggest things in my life that brings me peace is writing, yet I wasn't giving it the time and thought that it deserved.
I wanted to take a moment to share something I just found in a bunch of old files. I wrote it years ago, and reading it today made me nostalgic. I did a little editing, and took this time to reflect on the writer I used to be and the writer I have become. Every time I write, I think about how I have changed as a writer, and that only inspires me to write more. I remembered the girl who wrote tirelessly until she could hardly keep her eyes open. I was brought back to my blind optimism and hopeless romantic heart. I took time for writing again. So, here it is, even if it is an old piece. I hope it reminds you of someone special...
and I hope wherever you are, it's warm outside. you never liked the cold. and I hope the sky is clear enough for you to see the stars and I hope sometimes you'll think of me and remember how you said my laugh was like a wind chime.
maybe you'll remember the way my hands fit in the palms of yours, and how my eyes looked like pools of honey in the sun.
and I hope you remember,
because I remember you.
I remember how you smelled like the salty ocean breeze. your green eyes were as bright and soft as a spring day, and your smile made my stomach turn over with butterflies. Your laugh sounded sweeter every time I was the one telling the joke, for you always laughed like I was the funniest person in the room. I know I wasn't.
I hope tonight you fall asleep on the cool side of the pillow and that in the morning your coffee doesn't burn your tongue.
I hope you wake up to sunshine through the curtains and the birds singing their lullaby from the trees.
and I hope wherever you are, someone is loving you in a way I couldn't. I hope they make your heart full, even though the thought of it makes my eyes sting. because I loved you so, but I don't know who you are anymore.
the sound of your laugh slips away but I'm sure your eyes are exactly the same.
so I'll still look for you in every crowded room and sometimes I think about you on the nights I wake up from a bad dream. when my head hits the pillow before I sleep, it feels like my life is melting away. I miss the hours that stretched in to evenings and I wonder where we could have gone.
but I'll still find you in the sunsets, the rain clouds, and everything in between.
in Gatsby there is a line that reads, "in his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars." isn't it lovely? It reminds me of you, and I don't know why, but it's quiet and calm and brings me more peace than you ever could.
because when your favorite song comes on the radio, I can picture you singing along entirely off key and drumming your fingers on the wheel.
my phone rings and for a split second I hope it's you, before I remember everything we are not.
you used to be a part of everything I did, but now you've just become a moment, a thought passing in time. you are everywhere but you are completely gone.
so, yes, sometimes I miss you.
and I hope sometimes you remember to miss me.
but even if you don't, well... that's okay, too.
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